Ever catch yourself in the boundary dance?

We've all been there—that moment when someone crosses a line or doesn’t respect a need we've expressed, and suddenly we're dancing between two impulses:

Either we're over-explaining ourselves ("I'm so sorry, but I have this thing, and then another commitment, and actually...")

Or we're crafting that perfect passive-aggressive response in our heads (you know the one—where we sound totally justified but might regret it later).

Both reactions? They're really just different sides of the same coin: our complicated relationship with boundaries.

I experienced this recently.

A client missed our scheduled call without notice. Then missed the rescheduled call too. No apology, no acknowledgment. My immediate impulse? Oh, I had a response ready—the kind that feels righteous in the moment but doesn’t align with who I want to be.

But this time, something different happened.

I caught myself right in that familiar surge of emotion—that urgent need to respond immediately. To either let it slide (again) or react from that triggered place.

Instead, I did something that felt almost impossible in the moment: I paused.

Just one breath. One moment to ask myself: "Emotions aside, why is this actually upsetting me? And is there a way to handle this that feels both respectful and true to my needs?"

That single pause changed everything.

Here's what I want you to know: If you find yourself either over-explaining your boundaries or swallowing them completely, you're not alone. And there's nothing wrong with you.

These patterns often come from past experiences where our limits weren’t respected—where we learned that standing up for ourselves wasn’t safe or simple.

Your journey to stronger boundaries doesn’t have to start with perfect responses. It can begin with simply noticing.
Noticing when you're about to over-explain.
Noticing when you're about to react from that triggered place.

And maybe, just maybe, allowing yourself one breath before you do.

That’s all for today. But I’d love to know—which side of the boundary dance do you usually fall into: the over-explainer or the one quick to react?

Hit reply and share your experience—you might be surprised how many of us share these patterns.

With warmth,
Jenny

Next newsletter, I'll share what happened when I finally did respond to that client, and the surprising shift it created in both our professional relationship and my own peace of mind. Keep an eye on your inbox!

P.S. If you’re interested in working together, here are two opportunities:

• If you would like to explore what coaching together might look like, I offer complimentary sample calls - no strings attached.
• 
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